It’s been a long week already, so I’m going to share a few funnies I have as backup for times like these!
Great truths that little
children have learned
• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
• You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
• Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
Great truths that
adults have learned
• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
• Wrinkles don’t hurt.
• Families are like fudge … mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
• Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Great truths about
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
• You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
The four stages of life
• You believe in Santa Claus.
• You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
• You are Santa Claus.
• You look like Santa Claus.
• At age 4 success is … Not piddling in your pants.
• At age 12 success is … Having friends.
• At age 17 success is … Having a driver’s license.
• At age 35 success is … Having money.
• At age 50 success is … Having money.
• At age 70 success is … Having a driver’s license.
• At age 75 success is … Having friends.
• At age 80 success is … Not piddling in your pants.
And finally …
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; but never forget the blessings that come each day.
Until next week, have a good week.
Mike Probst can be reached at email@example.com.