It’s been a long week already, so I’m going to share a few funnies I have as backup for times like these!

Great truths that little

children have learned

• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

• Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

• You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

• Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

• Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

• Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

• The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

Great truths that

adults have learned

• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

• Wrinkles don’t hurt.

• Families are like fudge … mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

• Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

• Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.

• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Great truths about

growing old

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

• You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

The four stages of life

• You believe in Santa Claus.

• You don’t believe in Santa Claus.

• You are Santa Claus.

• You look like Santa Claus.


• At age 4 success is … Not piddling in your pants.

• At age 12 success is … Having friends.

• At age 17 success is … Having a driver’s license.

• At age 35 success is … Having money.

• At age 50 success is … Having money.

• At age 70 success is … Having a driver’s license.

• At age 75 success is … Having friends.

• At age 80 success is … Not piddling in your pants.

And finally …

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; but never forget the blessings that come each day.

Until next week, have a good week.

Mike Probst can be reached at

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