Well, it’s that time of the year.
I’ve lost my wife to television.
The dreaded Christmas season on the Hallmark Channel has begun and we haven’t even eaten our Thanksgiving turkey.
I just don’t understand the interest in watching the exact same story again and again, albeit with different characters.
The storylines never change.
When I watch a football game the basic rules are the same. There are four quarters (unless the game goes into overtime), two teams and a group of referees to make sure all runs smoothly.
However, in all football games, everything that happens from the opening kickoff to the final whistle, is different.
ESPN SportsCenter does not show highlights of one college football game, and then say, “We will not show highlights of other games because each one is exactly the same, but with different teams.”
This past weekend there were a plethora of football games, all with different outcomes, and different levels of excitement – can you say LSU @ Alabama?
There were also back-to-back-to-back-to-back… Hallmark Christmas movies that were exactly the same, but with different characters.
I can’t imagine ever watching a game between my Aggies and another university if I knew beforehand it would be exactly the same as a game I’ve already watched!
I don’t even like watching a recorded sporting event if I know the outcome.
My wife and I are real close to celebrating 35 years of marriage, but around this time each year I start to wonder if she might walk out the door and tell me (probably via a text message because she’s too busy) that she is moving to a metropolitan area to conquer something at a large corporation in order to fill some void in her life, only to realize she left the one person who always loved her and could fill that void once she opened her mind, but she was too stubborn. Then, she returns to the small town where she spent most her life, enters and wins a cake decorating contest at Oysterfest, walks along a snow covered beach (with a pony somewhere in the background), and awkwardly holds my hand after we’ve gazed for hours in each others’ eyes while walking and reflecting on life in general. Then, at the very, very, very end … scared as a cat in a pond … she accepts a barely visible ever so slight kiss on her cheek and/or lip (not both lips) and we live happily ever after.
I think husbands could enjoy watching these Hallmark Christmas shows with their wives, but there would have to be a few penalty flags thrown and a select number of episodes would have to go into overtime.
We have two TVs, so I don’t get trapped. How does a married man in a one television home make it through Christmas each year?
Until next week, have a good week.
Mike Probst can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.